That emotionally draining pit was what I wanted to help Josh avoid because I knew he was going through the same thing. The hard part was the lonely, dark place I put myself in when faced with the reality that people knew I was gay.
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I realized the hard part wasn't telling people. I struggled a lot with the thought of people knowing and having the confidence to walk around campus and the pool deck having people know the real me. I was faced with a lot of stress and anxiety that first year of college and found myself often driving aimlessly through Pennsylvania or sneaking into the pool area to sit in the bleachers and just think. “I realized the hard part wasn't telling people, it was the lonely, dark place I put myself in.”ĭon't get me wrong - having supportive teammates meant the world to me, but it didn’t help with my confidence or being comfortable with myself. When I transferred to Chapman for my second year of college, I came out to my teammates there more quickly than at Villanova, and was greeted with the same response: nothing but love. Everyone was supportive and later on in the year two of my other teammates ended up coming out as well. I started by telling my small group of close swim friends and then let the word spread to the rest of the team. As much as I tried to hide my boyfriend during freshman year from my teammates, it was inevitable they were going to find out. My freshman year of college at Villanova, I told myself, “it's four years, just fake it” because now that I was a Division I swimmer I really thought I couldn’t be out. I was afraid of telling my teammates that I was gay because I feared they would look at me differently or my guy friends would distance themselves. At the same time swim practice meant lying to my coach and teammates - the people I called my family. I would consistently use training as an excuse to not date. I dated a few girls, but never anything too serious. Swimming was my outlet, my distraction and my excuse.
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On top of everything else I was a competitive swimmer, a sport known for being “more gay” because my uniform was a tiny piece of fabric just large enough to cover “my stuff” and I went to a private, Catholic high school. High school was four years of confusion, depression, anxiety and all other emotions you feel when you’re hiding who you are every day. I was always good at hiding my emotions and pushing my feelings deep inside, so I had no problem hiding that I was gay until high school.
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A difference that was hard to comprehend because I grew up being taught that men were essentially programmed to marry women and that is how the world works. I always knew there was something different about me from my friends. Growing up in Trabuco Canyon, in Orange County, Calif., going to church on Sunday and having chapel twice a week at my elementary and middle school definitely was a challenge. He went there hoping to swim, but an injury cut short his career.īefore we tell you the story of how two gay swimmers helped each other come out, we want to share some background about each of us. Josh Velasquez attends the University of Arizona. We wanted to share our stories.Īxel Reed, will graduate this spring from Chapman University in Orange County, Calif., where he was a swimmer. We don’t know where each of us would be without the other. We came out to each other via text, and our bond and friendship has only grown. I will now go back to my fearless pursuit of the truth.We’re two swimmers and best friends, both in college, who happen to be gay.
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Still, there are worse ways to spend 30 minutes in quarantine. This week, Lush and his non-socially-distanced buddy totally Randy-and-Paula the shit out of the videos, with the theme of “dancing in your undies.” It takes about a half-hour to watch a bunch of twinkie young guys shake and grind in cravenly thirsty tease videos. I’m not gonna just be a cheerleader for the North Texan. The informant thought there might be a local angle.īut I gotta tell ya: I don’t roll that way. The reason why my confidential source suggested I look into it was because a local man named Sergio (lives in Denton) is in the mix. (It just launched about a week ago, it seems.) The deal is, Lush sets challenges for contestants to partake in by sending videos of themselves doing the task, then others vote on their favorite the lowest one gets eliminated. Lush is a kinda cute otter himself in the “yaaasss, kweeeennn!” mold, so I took a look. The link I got was to the YouTube page of an L.A.-based blogger named Matthew Lush who, apparently, is trolling for an online boyfriend. Then I saw it took me to a video with dirty dancing twinks and I decided this could be my Pulitzer. So when I got an anonymous email from someone with murky motives offering a supposed lead, I was skeptical. Because I’m a hard-hitting investigative journalist in the time of COVID, I pursue all leads on my way to a good story.